he's the puzzle of my heart.....

blogger, tau gak ap yg grasain skrg???
g ngrasa skit hti sm pkiran" g sndri...
g takut bgt d tinggal sm org yg pling g syang...
g takut dy pndh k org laen...
g takut dy capek...
g takut kalo dy dah ga butuhin g lg...
g takut kalo g msti ngjalanin hidup g tnpa dy...
lebay ny sih... "i'm so lost without him.... what am i without you??"
lebay sih kdgeran ny...
tp itu yg g rasain...
dy itu udah ngmbil 7/8 jiwa g...
kyk ny g mati klo ga ad dy...
klo dy ga d sisi g...
g parah bgt...
udah trlalu trgntung am dy...
klo g blh blg, g ga pgenin hidup g yg tnpa dy...
lbh bgus g mati drpd g msti hdup tnpa dy...
haduh...
complicated bgt...
katany anak Tuhan msti tahan banting...
tp klo bantingan ny gni, ga kuaaattttt...
g desperate bgt klo ga ad dy...
gmn g ga ngegantungin hdup g sm dy?!
dlu, wkt g ngrasa sndri krn d tinggal ortu, dy dteng k hdup g...
ngasi harapan buat jd tmen hdup g...
dy cm dtg d wktu yg tepat...
d saat yg tpat...
n itu udah bikin gngrasa nyaman klo g d dket dy...
bikin g tng...
g cm pgn dy milikin g...
g cm pgn dy syg sm g..., pduli sm g...
g pgn cm g yg ad d hti ny dy...
ap g egois klo mkir gt??
ap g slh klo g pgn kyk gt??
g msti gmn...
g syg bgt sm dy...
g ykin klo dy itu cwo trakhir g...
g mantepin hati g buat dy...
g brharap bgt dy nglakuin hal yg sm k g...
jahat kan g???
hmmm...., g jnji wlpn dy ninggalin g, g ga akn prnh nyari cwo laen...
krn yg g mau cm dy...
Yosua Rendi Tanuwidjaya...

Another Bad Day

knp sih minggu ni itu minggu yg buruk bgt buat g...
kykny smuany seneng liat g nngis...
smuany sng liat g pny mslh...
smuany sng liat g stres...
smua hub kacau...
hub klrga, hub prshbtn, bhkn hub am rendi...
kykny ad aj alsn yg bikin hub g am rendi ga brjln normal...
ad aj mslh yg dtg...
ad aj alsn yg bkin rendi ninggalin g...
g ga bs ngapa"in...
kykny smuany dah ga ad lg yg pduli sm gmn hati g...
pdhl g dah syg bgt sm dy...
g dah nganggep dy ntu suami g sndri bhkn...
mana ada istri yg sanggup d tinggal am suami ny trus"an...
yg ad itu istri slalu ngikut k mana pun suami ny pergi...
sama kyk hub qta am Tuhan...
ga ad yg ninggalin satu sm laen...
ga ad yg ngelepasin satu sm laen...
TT
g pgn k pantai yg ombakny super gde bgt!!!
pgn triak!!!
pgn nngis sknceng"ny!!!
tp kata iti, ga blh buang" aer mata, mending d sumbangin aj...
lho???
bingung kan...
g jg cengo pas dger ny...
hmmmm...
k pantaii yuukkk...
yg ombak n angin ny gde bgt...
biar seru...
dgrin suara aer ny..., wktu mlem...biar ga item kna sinar matahari...
hehhehe....
trus liat bulan...
hiks...
lebay mode on...
ga snggup nulis ny lg...
hehehehe...
kangen rendi..., suami g...
TT
jgn heran knp bs kangen...
krn mank qta suami istri yg ga tinggal 1 rmh...
ironis kan??
hiks...
pgen nngis...
pengen meluk si Daddy...
Daddy, dateng donk mlem ini...
tmenin bobo...
pgn nngis...
TT

back to school!!! etc... hahaha...

hufh~....
tau ga sih bsok sklh g ntu dah mulai semester baru alias mulai program blajar sprti bysa????
capeeekkk... boseeeeennn... maleeeeessssssss... sebeeeellll...
msti bngun pagi" bgt, dah g...
malah tinggal ny d blok T pula...
jauuuuhhh baiiirrrr...
TT
gmn dunk...
yg bikin g smangad buat k sklh cuma rendi...
tp ktmu dy jg cm bs pas istrhat duank...
cuma 45 mnit!!!
huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
d rmh dah ga mgkn bs ktmu lg...
hiks...hiks...
kangen baiiirrr...
okaii...
bsok pulang sklh, g msti k blok V dlu mandi, susun buku, susun baju skalian...
udahan ny, pasti g bkal bawa segepok barang menuju rmh qq g...
malah nginep ny sminggu pula...
lama baiiirrr...
nih akibat popo g n dd"ny mo k medan...
sbnrny g mau" aj sih tinggal sndrian d rumah...
tp g ga ngerti cara nyuci baju sama cara nyimpen makanan...
jd bingung kan???
klo mslh nyuci piring, nyapu, ngepel, bersiin wc, sih g msi bisa...
tp buat yg 2 itu g ga bs...
soalny nyuci baju ny kan pake mesin...
klo asal"an mncet, bs rusak tuh mesin ntar ama tangan jail g...
bahaya kan...
g btuh mbak g bgt,dah...
mbaaaaaaakkkkkkk...
hiks...hiks...
hari ini g pgn k greja sbnrny...
k PRII kjauhan...
k KIA????? hmmm... nggak deh... takuuuutttt... TT
kykny koq byk bgt halangan ny yaahhh...
minggu dpan g mo nyoba greja baru, ah...
dket sih...
ad kbktian remajany jm 9 pagi...
tp g bkal tetep dtg k raycom lah sbtu ny....
cuma g ngrasa ga afdol aj klo ga k greja tiap minggu ny...
kan jd gmn gtu....
jd sbtu minggu full am greja, khusus buat My Daddy...
**hehehehe... love You, Daddy...

back to mslh sklh...
zzzz...
swt...
banyak tugas menumpuk n mnunggu ntar...
sebelll...
blum lg ulangan"ny...
g cm sk ama plajaran bu eka, doank...
yg laen ny kgak...
bneran dah...
soal ny bu eka ntu baek am gw...
trus org ny manis lg...
hahahahahahhahahahaha...
jd kangen ama bu eka...
tmn sbangku g x ni syapa yak???
masa harlan lg???
maleeessss, dah...
pgn ny sih sebangku ama anas...
hahahahahhahahaha...
klo ama DP, dah pernah...
dah sering malah...
hehehehhehe...
mkany, x ni pgn ny am anas...
biar gmpng jg buat GjB (alias GunJing Bareng)...
klo bs, sebangku ny am rendi aj...
hahahahahah...
jd inget julek am rina...
dah pacaran, seklas jua, sebangku pula...
n kata ny nih..., waktu nulis catetan ato ngrjain tgs, masa katany mreka pgangan tangan mulu d klas...
swt, dah...
klo d pisahin tmpt duduk ny am guru", mreka malah maen surat"an dlm klas...
mantebbb bnerr dah....
hub kyk gt brtahan 4 taon, men...
hahhahaahha...
klo hub g am rendi kyk ny bakal bertahan minimal 70 taon, dah...
amiiinnn..... =p
ada" aj nih crita smasa d SMP n SMA...
ad yg pcaran kyk ga pcaran, ad yg pcaran nempel mulu, dll dah gaya pcran anak muda jaman skrg...
hehehehhe...
tp ad 1 hal nih yg ga g ngerti...
uda pnya cwo, tp ntu cwe msi bs ngmg kangen" gt am cwo laen d wall fb gtu...
aneh ga sih...
mgkn emank mnrt dy ga klewat batas, sih...
ap slh ny jg kangen sbates tmn...
tp kan tetep aj cwo ny psti sakit lha klo ngliat ny...
y ga sih????
hmmm...
bingung ga sih...
g sih bingung...
klo ngmg sbates tmn, doank sih itu mnrt g ga bs d jdiin alesan...
ntar klo dr tmn jd ska gmn donk...
yaaahhhh...
hati org sih mank ga sama...
tp klo misal ny qta dket ny ma tuh cwo mulu, wall"an am tuh cwo mulu, crita" muluam tuh cwo, lama" jg bs jd sk x yak???
hmmm...
g lbh mmilih buat menghindari kmgkinan" kyk gtu dah...
udah ckup am rendi aj...
tp kykny klo g wall"an am cwo laen, pake blg kangen"an sgla, ato mzan am mreka smbil crhat" gtu, yg ad tuh g bukan ny jd sk am tuh cwo tp malah ngrasa bersalah am rendi...
ngrasa dah slingkuhin dy...
ngrasa dah nyia"in kprcyaan dy...
g sih ngrasa ny g bkal gtu...
masalah ny g tau persis rendi ga sk klo g "dket" am cwo laen...
klo g msi crhat"an aplg pake kgen"an sgla, brarti kan g nglakuin hal yg rendi ga sk...
hal yg bs bkin rendi sakit hati...
atas prtimbangan itu lah makany g mulai ngjaga hub g am cwo" laen...
jd kdg klo ngliat cwe yg msi "bebas" wlpn dah pny cwo, g jd gmn gtu...
mgkn ga sih cwo ny tuh cwe ngebebasin tuh cwe???
ap dy ga ngrasa skit hti minimal dikit aj dah gra" prbuatan cwe ny????
klo dy ngebebasin, brarti dy ngbiarin hati ny sakit gt???
sanggup brp lama sih dy gt???
dlu g jg ga prnh tuh ngebates"in rendi waktu awal" pcran...
cmbru jg kgak ad...
mo dket am tmn" cwe ny , y gpp...,asal tau bates...
eh, rendi ny marah...
dy blg g ga syg dy, ga pduli am dy...
smpe ad 1 insiden yg bkin g brpikir klo trnyata byk cwe yg pgn dket" am rendi...
klo dah kyk gtu, g cm bs brdoa aj dah smoga rendi tahan godaan n tau bates...
hehehhehehe... =p
tp trnyata smpe saat ni sih dy ntu trbukti agak tahan godaan...
manteeebbb kan si rendi ntu????
g sih pnya tmn" cwe yg siap ad buat g klo g ad mslh, tp kyk ny si rendi ga pny tmn" cwo yg bs jd tmpt crita dy x yak???
ckckcckckcckck...
poor rendi... =p
jd klo ad mslh dy crita k syapa???
k g???
nah klo mslh ny ntu brsngkutan am g???
mending dy hang out am tmn" cwo ny kyk kmaren itu wktu k aer trjun...
kan lbh bikin sng drpd curhat"an d mslh ituuuuu ituuuuu mulu...
mendingan hang out k mana gt , donk biar bikin otak ny fresh lg...
g klo lg ad byk mslh n rasany ga sanggup buat crita k org, g pgn ny k greja aj...
seenggak ny wlpn cm 2 jm, g bnr" bs ngrasa tenang n ngerasain hadirat Tuhan...
kan ad mslh yg bs d critain, tp kdg ap yg qta rasain itu ga bs qta critain...
rasa ny qta sndrian doank yg ngrasain itu...
ga ad yg bs ngbntuin, wlpn mmank ad a shoulder to cry on...
tp kyk ny Tuhan ntu lbh ngertiin qta drpd tmn" qta, dah...
ato minimal si yocii...
wlpn dy gagu, tp g yakin klo dy ntu ngrti g gmn...
minimal dy slalu snyum k g...
slalu ngajarin g buat slalu senyum d tiap kndisi g...
*tp klo kbnyakan senyum" ntar d kira orang gila lg?!
hahahahahahahaha...
yg jelas, mksd ny dy ntu ga pgn g nngis" bombay mulu tyap malem sblm bobo...
mmank dy ntu anak yg baek....
heheehhe...
anak pmbrian rendi...
hahaahhaahhha...
tp g brsyukur bgt pnya yocii...
kyk kmaren malm cth ny...
mata g ngantuk bgt...
dah ga bs buka lg, tp tetep aj otak g ntu ga bs brenti mikir, wlpn g merem, tp g tuh ga tdur...
kmaren mlm tuh g bnr" dah ngrasain yg namany ga bs tdur...
mank merem, tp nih otak krja keras...
makany pagi ny g agk pening" teler gtu dah...
hehehehehe...
tdur ga nyenyak mulu g akhir" ni...
n slalu dpt mimpi aneh...
bru kmaren doank g dpt mimpi yg normal" sajah...
hahahahhaha...
bingung ga lo pada???
g jg bingung...
kyk ny smua khidupan g ntu d dasarkan pd kebingungan belaka...
dikit" g psti bingung...
inti ny, g ntu gmpng bingung...
aaaaa.... TT
klo dah bingung" gni, pasti si rendi ngoceh", dah...
mslh ny, klo crita mslh g k rendi, kyk ny mslh g ntu jd mudah bgt buat d slsein bgi dy...
kyk ny si rendi mank ga prnh bingung dah...
eh, malah dpet cwe yg bingung mulu...
hahahhahaha...
lucu...lucu...
tp ktany gtu...
klo yg 1 ga sabar, yg 1 msti sabar...
klo yg 1 crewet, yg 1 msti pndiem...
tp tetep aj msti nghargain 1 sm laen...
haduuuhhh...
jd ngoceh panjang lebar n lari dr topik nih g...
ydahan dlu yak bloggers...
mo mandi dlu ni...
bye"....

Finding Our True Love....

Hmmm...
Hi bloggers...
I'm feeling not good right know...
I'm sick...
My body, my heart, my mind, and my soul...
The same pain...
And guess what the medicine that I need??
I just need My Dad (Jesus Christ) and my husband (Yosua Rendi Tanuwidjaya)...
I miss them both...
I don't want a break up...
I just need to be in His and his heart...

My Dad, my husband...., I can't live without Your love...
Loving you makes me alive...
You both just perfect..., and have completed my life...
All I need is you....

Even I always hurt My Dad and my husband,,they still love me, you know???
What an amazing love I've ever felt...
Even I'm not a good girl too...

I'm very thankful for this love...
I hope this love will be an everlasting love...
I'm trying to loving them more and more,,trying to be more respect to them,,trying to be more recognizing them...
This is my new target of this year...

_love You (Jesus Christ) and you (Yosua Rendi Tanuwidjaya)

Dear Mr.JC

Dad...
please give me a new spirit to face this new year... i don't know why, but i'm not interest to start this new year... i need You...,to manage my life, my heart, and my mind... i want to be a better person than yesterday... i want to be more grateful for everything that You has given to me... i don't want to start this new year with tears..., like what i'm doing now... there's so much pain... and i can't endure it anymore... no parents... i just can't do this anymore... i can't hold on... i think nobody care of me... nobody need me... they leave me...
Dad, i know You always here with me... i'm sure about that... i have nothing here, except You...
Thank You for 2009... thank you because You gave me someone like Yosua Rendi... he changed me a lot...
Dad, all i need is You and Rendi... just You and him... please, don't leave me alone, Dad...
i can't live without Your unconditional love...

This year, i will trying as best as i can to give my best for You... i hope i can do anything that can make You proud, so does Rendi... i hope we can be more love You, can feel Your Sovereignty, can get closer to You, can make You happy....
i wish this year i can get closer with my family, too... no hard feeling between us...
give me strength,Dad... i want to know You deeper...
i wish when i feel alone and cry every night, You can remember me Your greatest love...
i wish i can be what You want me to be...
even the world has changed, but i believe that Your love never change...
i just need to trust in You, and let You handle my life, everything will be better...

please bless my family, my relationship with Rendi...
i hope Rendi will be the last man in my life...
i hope i can love him more and more...
i hope i can be the best wife for him...
i hope with this relationship, we can know how deep is Your love to us...
i hope we always figuring in Your Holy Name in our relationship...
teach us to love each other, trust each other...

Please stay with me, Dad...and i will fear nothing...
love You so much, Dad...

_your naughty sinful indulgent daughter ^^

New Year...

happy new year yak ...
moga d taon ni qta jd bs lbh baik dari tahun sblum ny...
moga kasih Tuhan n smangat dr Dia slalu mnyertai qta...
amiiiiinnn...
tp taon baru bgi g ga gt special...
hmmm....
sama aj kyk sblm"ny...
TT
beteeeeeee....

2nd

hoaaaammm .
jem brp ni ?
gw bru bngun jem sgini ..
dasarr kebo .
hahaha ..
hmm , maklum lah , semalem kan ada acra ampe pagi ..
jdi wjar lah klo bgun jem sgini .

kpala msi berat dah ..
mata jga msi minta merem nie .
><

tpi gk blh di biasa'in trlalu siang ah bgun'a .
gk bae .
hehehe ..

hmmm, puji Tuhan, jadwal musik gw dah kluar lgi ..
akhir'a stelah bberapa lama, gw bsa mlayani lgi .
Tuhan , Kuduskan rendi spy layak bwt melayani .
kasih rendi kkuatan, ksabaran, ketaatan, hati hamba dlm melayani.
amin .

beb, ak gk nganggur lgi .
dah ad krjaan ..
hehehe ...
kmu jgn sdih mulu npa beb ?
klo sdih mulu, muka bebekk'a kluar tuh .
=p

ak cma mo psen, stiap kputusan yg kmu ambil, hrus mnta bimbingan Tuhan dulu ..
jgn cma nnya ak, tpi jga nnya Dy .
soal'a kan Dy lbih ngenal kmu jauh di bnding ak ..
Ok, cintaaa ?
^^

gk blh sdih terus, kan ad ak .
kmu tenang aj .
ak siap kuq ad bwt kmu klo km lgi ad msalah.
klo km lgi sdih.
bahkan klo km lgi skit ..
ak siap nmenin kmu .
yaa, wlpun gk bsa nmenin'a di rmh kmu trus .
tpi ak jnji, mmpi kmu yg wktu ntu gk akn prnh jdi knyataan ..
kmu pegang iaa kata" ak ..
ak syank kmu.
=)